Raising Capable Kids in the Age of Screens

Screens are the easy answer to everything. Bored kid? Screen. Long car ride? Screen. Need 20 minutes to make dinner? Screen.

And every time, you wonder: am I creating a problem?

The capability crisis

Here’s what screens actually do: they solve problems for your kids that your kids should be solving themselves.

Bored? Instead of figuring out what to do, there’s endless entertainment. Frustrated? Instead of working through it, there’s an easy escape. Uncomfortable? Instead of sitting with it, there’s instant distraction.

The skills that come from boredom, frustration, and discomfort never develop. And those are the skills that make capable adults.

It’s not about the hours

Most screen time advice focuses on limits. Two hours a day. No screens before homework. No phones at dinner.

Limits help, but they miss the point.

The question isn’t how much screen time. It’s what are screens replacing?

If screens replace boredom, your kid never learns to entertain themselves. If screens replace difficult tasks, your kid never learns persistence. If screens replace social discomfort, your kid never learns to navigate relationships.

What capability requires

Capable people share certain traits:

• They can tolerate discomfort
• They can work through frustration
• They can be bored without panicking
• They can figure things out without instructions

None of these develop when there’s always an escape available.

A different approach

Instead of limiting screens, focus on requiring real-world capability.

Make them responsible for things that matter:

• Cooking a meal for the family
• Managing their own laundry
• Planning a family outing
• Solving their own problems before asking for help

When they have real responsibilities, screens naturally become less central. Not because you took screens away, but because something more engaging took their place.

The uncomfortable truth

Screens aren’t the enemy. The enemy is the path of least resistance.

If you remove screens but continue solving every problem for your kids, you haven’t fixed anything. They’re still not developing capability.

The work is letting them struggle. Letting them be bored. Letting them fail.

Screens just make it easier to avoid that work.

Start with one thing

Pick one area where screens have replaced real capability:

• If they watch videos when bored, give them a problem to solve
• If they game instead of socializing, create situations that require real interaction
• If they avoid hard tasks by retreating to screens, remove the escape

Then hold the line. Let them complain. Let them struggle.

That struggle is where capability is built.