When Your Teenager Can't Do Anything for Themselves
Your teenager can’t cook. Can’t do laundry. Doesn’t know how to make a phone call to schedule their own appointment. And they’re going to be an adult in a few years.
If this describes your situation, you’re not alone. And it’s not too late.
How we got here
It’s not because you’re a bad parent. It’s because doing things for them was faster. Easier. Less conflict.
When they were 8 and couldn’t tie their shoes well, you tied them. When they were 12 and didn’t load the dishwasher right, you redid it. When they were 15 and needed to call the doctor, you made the call.
Each individual moment made sense. But compounded over years, it created a teenager who’s never had to figure things out.
The real problem
The issue isn’t the missing skills. Skills can be learned quickly.
The real problem is the missing belief: “I can handle things.”
A teenager who’s never had to solve their own problems doesn’t believe they can. And that belief—or lack of it—follows them into adulthood.
It’s not too late
Here’s the truth: a motivated teenager can learn basic life skills in months, not years. The hard part isn’t the teaching. It’s the letting go.
You have to let them struggle. Let them fail. Let them figure it out.
Where to start
Pick one thing. Just one. Make it something they’ll need to do repeatedly:
- Their own laundry
- Making one meal per week
- Managing their own schedule
- Handling their own money
Then step back completely. Not mostly. Completely.
They’ll do it wrong. They’ll forget. They’ll complain. That’s the process working.
Not sure what to teach first?
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What not to do
Don’t rescue them when it gets hard. Don’t redo their work. Don’t remind them more than once.
Every rescue teaches them the same lesson: “I can’t handle this on my own.”
The goal isn’t skills
The goal is confidence. The goal is a young adult who faces an unfamiliar situation and thinks, “I’ll figure it out.”
That belief is built through experience—specifically, the experience of struggling with something and coming out the other side.
You can’t give them that belief. You can only create the conditions for them to earn it.
Start today
Pick one skill. Hand it over completely. Watch them struggle. Don’t rescue.
It’s uncomfortable for both of you. But it’s the only way.
If your teenager is 15, here’s exactly what they should be able to do. If they’re younger, start with what a 10-year-old should know and build from there.